


Too young to be this sad

by crimsongravedigger



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:39:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsongravedigger/pseuds/crimsongravedigger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can do it. I can do it." he chants to himself, finally falling asleep with a salty taste on his lips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too young to be this sad

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, thanks to my beloved beta brainsfrittata! And don't forget to come say hi on tumblr!

_Too young to be this sad_

1\. Pavel Chekov is 5 years old when he solves his first equation without using a calculator. He puts the pen back in his pencil case and climbs down the chair, toddling towards the kitchen.

"Mommy! Mommy, look!" he chirps, waving the piece of paper in his tiny, white hand. The woman brushes her hands against her apron and reads the equation with a pleased smile. She lifts the child in her arms and plants a big kiss on his forehead.

"I'm so proud of you, Pav. You little genius."

Pavel smiles widely, so widely he feels the corners of his mouth splitting.

"Where's daddy?" he asks, browsing the room with those big, candy apple green eyes.

"He's still at work, baby. He's going to be late."

She puts him down, despite his complaints, and goes back to make dinner.

Pavel runs to his room and tapes the piece of paper to the wall. His first day of school is merely a week away and he just can't wait anymore.

That evening at dinner he talks to his mother about the latest mathematical formulas and asks her for an early birthday present: a brand new volume on biophysics and chemical science.

After they finish their borscht, Pavel helps her clear the table and obediently goes to bed. Mrs. Chekov smiles at her son's unusual submissiveness. It's half past nine and her husband's dog tags are still hidden in a kitchen drawer.

That night Pavel's father doesn't come home.

 

* * *

 

2\. Pavel Chekov is 14 years old when he leaves Russia to live in America. He carries a little suitcase, containing only a few personal effects, a mini dictionary and a packet of licorice gum. With the kind help of a passerby, he manages to exit the airport and catch the subway to the Academy. San Francisco is huge and chaotic and everybody seems to be in a frenzy. A man bumps into him and makes him fall over, flat on his bum. A bit dumbfounded, Pavel struggles back to his feet and looks around to see if he can spot the school. He reaches his destination half an hour later - after having lost his way twice.

By the end of the day he's ready to move into the assigned dorm room. Upon entering, he notices that his roommate still hasn't arrived. After claiming the bed near the window, he starts to unpack. His few clothes barely fill the closet. A red matryoshka doll finds its place on the nightstand, just as a mixture of melancholy and anxiety find theirs in Pavel's heart. He skips dinner in favor of staring at the ceiling. He tries to ignore the tears that quietly fall from his weary eyes.

"I can do it. I can do it." he chants to himself, finally falling asleep with a salty taste on his lips.

 

* * *

 

3\. Pavel Chekov is 16 years old when he meets Hikaru Sulu for the first time. Hikaru is older than him and he looks so serious and mature that Pavel instantly idolizes him.

The Russian boy, being a precocious young genius, was put in advanced classes at the beginning of the school year. During the first math exam, he finds himself sitting fairly close to Hikaru. He can't help but discreetly peek at him, noticing how worried and exhausted he looks. The paper on his desk is completely blank. In an outburst of solidarity, Pavel quickly scribbles the solutions on a tissue. He gets up and heads over to the professor, nonchalantly dropping the tissue on Hikaru's desk.

There's no time to chat after the exam. An extremely tough biology paper awaits Pavel in his room. He sweats at the thought. Despite his genius status, that particular subject just doesn't click with him. Biology also happens to be the next class with Hikaru.

He spends lunch break staring at the older boy typing away on his laptop. An hour later he finds a perfect biology essay resting in his locker. There's also a handwritten message.

_Thanks for the help earlier on. I owed you one._

That night Pavel doesn't sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

4\. Pavel Chekov is 17 years old when he decides to confess his love to Hikaru. He writes down his speech and recites it out loud in his room, looking for the right pronunciation and accent. Despite being sure of having chosen the right words, the most appropriate ones to properly convey his feelings, he keeps on getting tongue tied. He walks in circles nervously, failing miserably at  getting it all out.

"Hikaru", he starts over.

"I know that…" Silence. He plops himself on the bed, exhausted. Face in hands, he sighs. _Why does it have to be so complicated?_

The next day sees him focused on his mission. He looks for Sulu in every corner of the Academy. When somethings drives him to the botany lab, things don't exactly go according to plans. Sulu is there. With a girl. Pavel can't see much, but they are definitely kissing. He's not surprised; deep down inside, he knows that their relationship can exist only in his head. He looks at the piece of paper he wrote his speech on, rolls it into a ball and tosses it in the first bin he finds. As he walks back to his room, he hopes nobody notices the big hole in his chest where his heart used to be.

That night Pavel calls his mother and tells her he's coming home soon.

 

* * *

 

 

5\. Pavel Chekov is 27 years old. Spock is helping him fix his black tie.

"If I may be so bold, I think you're far too young to display such sorrow." Upon hearing Spock's words, Pavel quickly looks away from Sulu.

"But I am happy."

Spock catches the lie in Pavel's words, as always, but pretends he didn't. One last check and they are ready to go up the church stairs.

The bride looks breathtaking. Uhura helped her choose the dress and came up with the makeup herself. Pavel understands why Hikaru decided to marry that girl: she's like an angel that fell from heaven.

During the ceremony there's a lot of crying; even Scotty, trying to hide behind a pillar, quietly sobs.

Hikaru recites his marriage vows and looks at Pavel's flushed face for a moment. In spite of the bitter tears streaking his cheeks, Pavel gives him thumbs up.

That night Pavel thinks of Hikaru. He thinks of all the time he wasted on trying to reach him, all the sleepless nights, their friendship and the pain he felt during the ceremony. He thinks of Hikaru and finally lets him go.

 


End file.
